On the road towards 'normal-ity'

You might have noticed I hav'nt written for sometime now. That's all because Murtagh kinda ditched me without meaning to.. Anyway things are not normal when Murtagh and I aren't doing well for me.

We have sorted it out for the time being and we will try to make it better from now on. 

What should I do? HELP!!

It seems that my last blog entry did a lot of damage. My long term boyfriend ditched me because "he knew from the blog entry that I was NOT happy with him and I will be happier without him and so on" and all I wanted from that blog entry was to have some feedback from you all and now a break up!

Anyway I got this comment from Murtagh and I think it will prove interesting to you all.

" Hey Elanor

I dont know where to begin. but yes, the beginning should be good enough.. We first had our conversation on October 1st 2006 on a Sunday. Aloarise introduced you to me calling me KD ge ah dhaa buddy. I had a crush on you from that day onwards. You chatted a lot. Interest for you grew as I learnt who you were. and there we went on. and as I remember it, I was having my first semester exams those days. and I missed you a lot everyday you werent there online to chat with me. these feelings deepened everyday for you. I let what my friends told about you to deaf ears. I believed in you and I felt great respect for you. On thursday, 13th October 2006, on a friday, early in the morning, I was there. Online, and missing you. and I told of my feelings towards you in an indirect way. and I felt down when you avoided it. yet, unexpectedly somehow you seemed to have some feelings for me. you were afraid. but you had something. and that day was a joyful day for me. the day I got you. I still remember it.

We talked of how our relationship will go. everything from the smallest thing to the biggest. and how to handle our relationship in case problems come. and we have sticked to them. from day one until last night.

I want you to know, that I am sorry elanor. I want us back. I dont mind you talkin to guys and working in a job as long as you are loyal to me. thats all, really. and you have to trust me with it elanor. knowing you dont trust me is very very difficult for me. And I never wanted you in a cage honey. my love. i always wanted you to be happy. and last night i thought it was best for you. I hesitated, but i did it for you. I m sorry. I'm so sorry. Please elanor... forgive me.

I m sorry for the things I said. elanor.. I am sorry for hurting you. I am sorry for sleeping on you. I am sorry for letting you go like that. I am sorry for the things I may have done that hurt you. I am so sorry.

I never wanted us to break up. I always wanted you. desired you. loved you. cared for you. I do elanor. everyday. I wanted us to take that break of one week because I was guilty, elanor.. I was guilty of sleeping on you. I was guilty of the way we were. I was guilty for the problems that we were having. I was guilty for doing things I shouldnt have. things that I havent told you about. things that I wanted to share with you. I am sorry for everything. I was going to tell you once we had the break. I was going to value you as I once did and care for you as I once did.

elanor, please. I beg you. Give us one more chance. I love you for who you were. who you are. and who you will be. I love you. Please elanor. I'm sorry for the tears that you may be shedding because of me. I am sorry.

I swear elanor. I wont be a nuisance to you. I promise never to sleep on you. I promise to take care of you. I promise to not get angry with you. I promise to be there for you when you need me. I promise to you that I wont make work and your friends an issue. I promise I wont let it bother me. I promise that i will be by your side. I m so sorry. forgive me.. Give us one more chance. give us a chance to start over. rectify our mistakes. and forget the past. please elanor. i beg you.

i didnt mean to break up with you. I never did. Please elanor. let me have you back. please. the emptiness I feel without you is worse than anything else. Please elanor. give us one more chance. I beg you. please. I'm so sorry. i'm so so sorry.. i love you.

please. 

with love and much sorrow, Murtagh "

Is he just buying time to ditch me??

Today I checked my phone to see a message from my beloved bf Murtagh saying something like he is giving us a week or two for me to think if I want him still and for him to do the same. Now let me tell you. With all my not PMS and short temper and everything else I have tried these last few weeks for our relationship to go right. I love him a lot and want us to work out because I believe he's got what I want in my boyfriend but I don't know how its going to end up now..

To begin with I am a very tiresome, irritable and impatient person. I am kinda like bossy.. He is this person who is not socially involved with people and has a twin who does everything better than him and all that. I knew them both and yet fell inlove with him and I don't know whats really going wrong.

Maybe the reason is because lately I have confided in him that I did not want to get married so early( like when I am 20 or something). Previously I planned it maybe at.....23. Then few days ago I told him I plan to get married at maybe 27 and on his insistance it changed to 25. However, he thinks its just stupid and feels that I might have problems and all getting kids and so on when I try late in my life. He does not like the way I want my life to be and he does not like me talking to boys and fraternising with them in anyway. But he says he doesn't give a damn and he will get used to it. It has me worried... really worried.

Is he just being protective and loving or am I right in feeling it is lack of trust (which he insists is NOT true) or is it keeping me caged(I feel so)???

Solitude

Everyone loves a bit of solitude. I am a social person and take up responsibilities and all that but its just natural to want some peace and quite and have sometime 'only' for myself too I guess. However, my parents and my so-very-loving brother Sam does not think so. The key of this room has long been confiscated because the guy makes a racket and screams till mom takes it and hides it from me. It's a pain in-I-don't-mind-where really. These things don't put a full stop in life but still it makes it a lot harder for me to go through my everyday things because I am one of those people who can talk for 23hrs and 30min a day but still need the other half an hour for myself to be with just me and collect my thoughts, daydream and whatever else but its something significant for me. I feel entitles to such a simple need but *sigh* you don't get all you want in a BIG family do you? Then again don't you think I deserve some solitude??

I have PMS or not!

So yesterday was a bad day. Don't ask me why! I woke up to find ma tummy rumbling and aching and what not. It was just too hard but thankfully I had seen worse days and I was happy because maybe... just maybe this time it won't hurt so much! But I had some foreboding that this isn't right. I was having this stupid periods/menses/whatever after a break in the usual cycle. Then again I am 18years of age but it has not still fitted into a routine. So it was just normal to have menses after two months and after Murtagh who resides in another city some how got into his head that "my body now thought that I was pregnant!!" There you are. I guess now you see why I put him ON TOP OF NEWTON for the most STUPID THEORY MAKING!

I have been to doctors and so on but it has never worked. I mean they will do scans and ultra sound (or is it the same thing?) and find that there is nothing wrong. My reproductive system is absolutely perfect! Yay! I therefore do not have PMS. I wonder why it hurt soooooooo much then. Sometimes for days its just screaming of pain. Missing classes is just so common and with teachers who are somehow oblivious to others pains and think its getting sick on purpose it just another stress factor which will make it more unbearable the next month. 

Let me tell you about my day today.

1)Woke up at 9 something and went and ate something which was agony in itself because you could practically hear my tummy rumbling and churning and losing its stability. The by factor is more pain than one can hope for!

2) Went to toilet. Though this sounds gross it is pretty important. Because, even if I don't have PMS, when I am going through this say disorder I tend to go to toilet and vomit like there is no stopping for the first day or two or three.. You get the idea right?

3) Got on with the computer, just so I could get my mind off the miserable pain. Murtagh came online but only to be told off by me because Mr Ouch! has not bought me my medicine and my life line yet because men are so obnoxious and stupid and wicked about others feelings and blah blah. I did not mean to be so bad on him but it happens. I just get cranky or freaky or whatever else when I am going through this disorder.

4) Said goodbye to him which is not at all a 'good' bye and lay down. 

5) Woke up somehow at sunset and I slept at 1130 in the afternoon or so! Was hungry but afraid to eat. After an internal struggle the hunger won and my dear darling mom made me lemonade and coped up with my looks and rudeness till she went off to work about half an hour later.

6) Again back to the computer and roaming around the house till Murtagh came online again and chatted him a bit. He read this BLOG and was not hurt because I take him for granted. Still, I felt bad being my loving self.(By the way that's stretching the truth way off the limit haha.)

7) Went and had a hot dog and some cake and by then Mr Ouch brought me the medicine and took some. When I came back Murtagh was Not there and I suppose he has had a hard day and slept. Or maybe he was so thoughtful of me that he thought I might sleep if he was not there to keep me. Now this is making me feel bad! 

8) Stay here and read others blogs and started feeling sleepy (its 0241 in the morning) but still thought I should update my sweet Bloggie.

P.S. I took a risk and drank ice water at which my tummy revenged me with excruciating pain! haha.

There you go. I think I will give this address to Murtagh coz he conveniently lost it. I suppose he wanted to give me some privacy but then again it doesn't feel like me anymore to not-share anything with him.....

The mystery of the Black Box!

Here I am blogging in the middle of the night again. Now dont tell me to go off to sleep because it will not work. Thank You very much!

Today I had a 'missing' streak! I mean I missed my school, my boyfriend and so on. It doesn't work so well either. I have now put a photograph of some potted xerophytes on my phone wallpaper just so I feel..... I dont know maybe so that I miss the school some more. Because the plants are from school and now I wonder if the plants are still there. Or some boys stamped on them...

I seem to have mentioned my phone! Yes my precioouuuusssssssss! To be really honest it is a precious phone and a great phone but as usual I take it as granted just like everything else I own. I have been pretty unfortunate with phones for so long. I used to use my moms phone which is a MOTOROLA which i dont really like. So I badgered dad till he bought me a phone. He came back from abroad and handed me a beautiful package. A black box! Yeh you guesses right. It was an Apple iphone! I was so proud and told Murtagh and Ginny and everyone else about my new iphone and everyone was ever so jealous. But it didnt last. I wanted to connect it to internet and it did not work! So, as usual I called and asked Murtagh for directions. He is another thing in my life I take for granted too. He promised me he would be sending the directions in a while and there is was. My phone had some messages guiding me. BUT half way through I came to a dead end. My phone did NOT have the componants it was asking for. I called him back and he asked me some questions about the phone and very slowwwwwwwly just as any understanding boyfriend would, he told me

'Honey, I am pretty sure your phone is a FAKE!'

It was all too much for me!! I went into hysterics all locked up in my room and refused to listen to mom trying to console me and her promises to buy me another phone soon! I did not want it anymore. The phone had been so hurtful that I had had enough of phones. I went on for days and months without a phone but in the end I accepted I needed a phone and browsed some phones in a reliable shop and asked Mr Ouch! to buy me that phone, a Nokia N91. But Mr Ouch! as always had his own ideas. He again asked the same man who bought him the FAKE iphone to buy a good phone.

Mr Ouch! came from abroad and handed me a package! I opened it to see a black box!

Mr Ouch: Sweetheart, I payed ............. for it! It can't be a fake.

Me: I will check it out in the internet and everywhere and then we will see.

So there it was. An LG viewty (KU990)

I browsed and did everything I could to check if it was a fake but it wasn't. :D I was happy with it. It was lovely and black and everything else I could have hoped for. And however grudgingly I do it, I have to admit that it is much better than a Nokia N91.

That was one of the nights I had to accept that Mr Ouch! was really the best dad in the whole world!

Three cheers for Mr Ouch!

Love,

Miss Elanor Ouch! 

I am a GIRL!

PART 1

I had some notion that my current blog layout is just too simple and started browsing for something better. As you all know by now I am a girl and naturally I clicked 'girly templates' and there you are! PINK PINK PINK PINK PINK.......... and some more PINK! The background is PINK the foreground is PINK and the title is another PINK and the text is still some more PINK! I tried and tried. Browsed from page 1 to 17 to some more and still its PINK again. In the end I was just too frustrated to put in words even and switched to another site. This site had some nice templates and I thought I would put some of those but it did NOT work. So much for my hours of browsing. In the end the template stays as it is!

But let me tell you. I am a girl and I was born a girl and I like being a girl and I will always be a girl. I wonder if girls have tags with PINK in them. For one I like blue and violet! There was this actress on TV just days ago who declared her favourite colour was black. Then I wonder why every thing considered girly is PINK. I feel as girls its normal to like any colour. There are guys too who like red and pink who just feel shy tell that they like PINK. For instance Eragon(my bfs twin) loves red while Murtagh(my bf) likes blue. I think its just something individual and there should be some BLUE in GIRLY catagory some time soon for crying out loud!

PART 2

So much for my shouting huh. hehe. These days its one girly thing after another. My to little sissys are growing up much too fast for their own good. Violet the elder one is still small just like Violet in The incredibles but Angie is growing up too fast! Um its her privacy right? Lets not go into that! I just hope they do well in their studies or else Mr Ouch! will not like it at all. And when he doesn't like it, things wont go so right either. I hope to do medicine. Ahhh! I wonder if I could do it and if I should really do it. Because I dont feel that I want to do it too much. Its like eight years of studies and what about marriage? and kids? and my life in general? Do I have the wits to study as much and not crack up? But there is nothing else I want to do either so its got to be this.. I cant stay doing nothing because as I said Mr Ouch! wont like it....

     ...the end

Send me some feedback about this Doc thing...

love,

Miss Elanor Ouch!